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  • Writer's pictureMatt Albiges

Am I GIVING UP more in my relationship than what I'm getting in return?

Whether you're about to embark on a relationship, or if you're already commited, it's important to think through what are the things you are giving up by being in the relationship, alongside the things that you are gaining by being in it!

Many of us 'fall' into a relationship without really thinking through what is the purpose of the relationship, and what our boundaries and requirements are. Then we end up stuck in a place where we're not comfortable, sensing that we're somehow missing out on the thing that we really wanted... whereas we'd never been clear in the first place.

In our coaching work, we aim to give our clients different models and strategies to help them get clear on a situation that we get too close to. Like the fish in water, we're swimming in our challenges and can't see them objectively any more.

It's *undeniable* that we give up some things being in a relationship - for most people that includes not being with another partner, and includes lots of other things regarding how we spend our time and other resources. We each come with some baggage of one kind or another, we might say our 'endearing qualities', and this can include ongoing commitments that we bring such as children or other financial commitments.

It's equally *undeniable* that we gain things being in a relationship, it's clear on many occasions that 'two heads are better than one', and many people feel more fulfilled with the closeness that only an intimate relationship can bring up. We support our partner, and they support us in any number of ways - big and small - practically, emotionally, financially and even spiritually. When we come to look at the number of ways that our partner supports us - an exercise that we share with couples that we work with - it literally brings many couples to tears to recognise this, even in a moderately well functioning relationship!

So the key question is whether on balance the relationship is worth it for us. Naturally we need to consider the context of time too, because in the short term things can seem unbalanced for good reasons. Maybe my partner has got some particular issues at the moment - an illness perhaps - that means that we need to make some sacrifice. After all, last time it was our turn to be ill!

So take some time and consider the balance for yourself in your relationship - what are the things you are giving up by staying in the relationship, versus the things that you are gaining from it? If you need any support in processing this, send us a message and we'll set up a call to see how we can support you!

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