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  • Writer's pictureMatt Albiges

Why the key to RELATIONSHIP *Breakthrough* might lie OUTSIDE the relationship...!

Like in many things, the answers to our failing #relationships can be found in unlikely places, and sometimes the thing that can really shift things can even appear to be the *opposite* of what we might have expected to work! In this sense, they are *counter-intuitive*, so let's take a look...!

Take a situation when we're feeling disconnected from our partner, like the closeness that we once felt seems like a distant memory, and we're wondering how did we reach that point... even starting to picture a future without the relationship at all!

And we know that #lockdown has increased the level of stress on many relationships, because some of the release valves that we'd unconsciously come to rely on aren't available any more. Maybe rather than going out to work every day, you're now #workingfromhome and so rather than having navigate a few hours with your partner in the evening, you're there together all day long, bouncing off each other..!

Even when we love our partner deeply, it's very easy for the tone of our communication to be affected by any frustration we are feeling if our needs aren't being met... and for that tone to make us quickly lose the intimacy and connection with our partner.

Matt says, "Many clients report this feeling of disconnection, and even resentment towards our partner. It's important to look at our NEEDS, and to understand what any gap might look like, and to close that gap BEFORE any resentment or bad feeling sets in."

At this point, our reaction to the disconnection might be to try to get closer to our partner, to spend more quality time together and to intensify the efforts we've been making. If done in the right way, and especially if we can keep a sense of balance between looking after ourself and looking after our partner, this could be effective.

"One thing we see so often, is that we neglect ourselves in the effort to look after our partner and that inevitably, at least after a period of time, leads to a level of resentment which then plays out in the relationship." says Matt. "On the flipside, it's also worth checking in to ensure that our partner is also looking after their own needs... that we are maintaining balance!"

Having strong same-sex peer-groups is a really powerful resource to have in place!

Our ancestors would have spent a lot of time in same sex groups, not only socially but also working, something which even persisted through the industrial age with many of the traditional manual industries that prevailed at that time. Through those connections men were able to reinforce the connections and support networks that provided a healthy balance to their domestic lives. Often these networks have now been disrupted through patterns of work, and many of us haven't really replaced them, but rather have become more domesticated in our lifestyle.

"This is why we run and support activities for men such as the recent men's workshop on relatioships, and also why we run regular men-only events where we combine doing something physical with connecting and sharing together about the challenges that we each face, as well as having fun and enjoying the great outdoors!"

Look out for the next upcoming event!

So what's this got to do with the relationship?

We find that by developing our same-sex peer group we're able to show up better in our relationship, and that we not only feel better and more fulfilled with our partner, but our partner also feels that stronger energy that we're bringing into the relationship!

If you're looking for other strategies that can take your relationship to the next level, reach out TODAY and set up a call! Remember that as well as working with men, Matt also works with couples looking to take their relationship to the next level, along with his partner Rebeca who is also a coach and therapist!

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